*FEELINGLESS*

clock is showing 3am sharp..
d same time yesterday,i had a cold fight wit him..
not to say a fight,but not a peaceful conversation i suppose..
i guess u guys noe who is d one i had tis unpeaceful conversation wit..
yeah,was him.. d one mentioned in my previous blog..
today i went to kampar n he went there as well..
met me there but i was cool towards him,i realised tat..
last night had a terrible conversation wit him.. for me,i will consider as terrible coz i didnt rili like d way we chatted especially at d last part..
he did not answer my question n in fact,gave me a reason tat he is tired,wanted to sleep..
was so pissed off !
tis morning he asked me why was i angry last night,i told him n can say i expressed it in anger d reason why i was so pissed off !
i seldom answered ppl's question in such a rude or full-of-anger way,especially a guy..
he apologised to me many times..
i do not want any sorry from u,ENOUGH !
even u repeat it hundred times,thousand times,million times,it's still d same..
something happened is happened.. no one can change it unless time can go backwards..
u asked for a chance to hang out wit me in d future and we can still be as happy as last time..
do u think it's possible? perhaps ya,but mayb tat's u.. but definitely i cant..
i will still feel the barrier in between,we can hang out if im free n if i got the mood to go out..
we can still be friend,but not best friend as u requested.. and not even further than tat..
i do not noe how to face u,tis morning i kept asking u to go home..
i kept telling u tat i got nth else to chat wit u..
i became so speechless when facing u.. rili got nth else to say..
NOTHING ! my mind blank..
so sorry,didnt mean to be so cool to u.. but i just cant give any more smiles,cant have more more conversations wit u.. im just wordless when see u..
it has changed,we are not tat close anymore..
can u feel d BARRIER in between? i can feel it,it's so obvious..

1st scar was left by my EX,who hurted me really deep enuf to psycho me..
2nd scar was left by u..
i cannot stand a 3rd scar anymore.. i consider myself very "dao mei",being hurted again n again..
u aint hurting me,but i had d feel of being hurted..
seriously,u aint wrong,stop blaming urself..
i forgave u,but even i forgave u,things already happened..
so,do not regret anymore,wat u did were correct..
it's just me tat could not take it,i do not like my msg to be read by a third party..
i just couldnt take all these..
d prob was wit me,not u.. stop apologising,stop blaming urself..

until now,i still feel so disappointed !
due to d things tat happened these few days,i will not let myself fall for anyone else for some time..
yesterday JW called me,i told him i wont give any answer to him..
he did not angry,neither do he feels disappointed.. in fact,he even cheered me up n asked me to make dright decision..
he advised me not to make decision so fast,my journey is still very long,im just 8-teen.. choose slowly,do not ever choose d wrong one..
thx,JW ! :)
i do not want to involve myself in any love thingy for some time due to the recent prob..
it rili made me feelingless,was so disappointed wit everything tat had occured..
love? it's nothing for me now..

LOVE sounds nice,but in fact it is HURTFUL !
officially,i would like to announce tat im FEELINGLESS now n tat will last for some time..
i do not noe when will myself have feeling towards someone again..
i will try hard not to let my heart touched by someone..
live a simple life from now onwards till i meet someone tat really can lead my life thru until d very last beat of my heart..
enjoy d life of being liked by someone but not to LIKE someone..

hopefully God will strenghten my soul,lighten up my spirit..
i just want a SIMPLE LIFE..
it's such a long time since last i experienced such a frustrating situation..
d disappointment tis time left a great impact on me emotionally..
i still need quite some time to be happy again !
no mood dy,ciaoZ !

p/s : i hate ppl tat did not answer my question n straight away tell me tat he/she or tired n wanna sleep ! so irresponsible !