*LAST DAY OF DECEMBER*

now is 2.50am of 31st of DEC 2008..
erm,tis is d last day of year 2008.. gonna say goodbye to 2008 and welcome to 2009..
physically,there were lotzz of happenings throughout d year of 2008,including those sorrowful n delightful..
huhhhh.. time rili flies,a year passes,it was jz lik in a blink of eyes..
so far,dun have any plan for tonite,new year eve..
better stay at home,on9 or watsoever..
in year 2008,many things happened,too much to describe..

3 quite important person passed away in 2008,1st my poh-poh[grandma].. 2nd,rodiah[5 years-fren].. n 3rd,ah fu[my uncle]..
huhhhh... life is short,i agree,finally..
lik wat my frens [especially david n may kee] always tell me,enjoy ur life,appreciate ur life.. yea,it's true..
we shud enjoy life to its fullest,cherish every moment.. never give up life.. coz life is jz too short..

erm.. tis year is oso my BIG EXAM year.. SPM !!! after years of not having fever,tis year it comes... had a fever during SPM,add maths paper.. during chem paper still not feeling well n i didnt noe wat d questions were all about.. d reason,simple.. coz i never finish studying for tat subject n feeling rili unwell during d exam.. *sobxxxxx*
hope to pass with flying colours althou' it seems to b impossible..

a year taking up d resposibilities being a head prefect,it wasnt easy though.. lotzzz of speeches,tasks,functions needed to b done [including marching n merdeka celebration.. *paisehhh*]..
but,thank God,i finally managed to finished my duty.. being a capten of d sport house oso not easy.. actually not difficult oso,but bcoz of i'm a passive girl in sports [except badminton.. haha],it became difficult for me.. thank God,again.. i managed to complete my duty..

friendship life>>>>> relationship wit ah len getting further,erm.. not as close as last year..
last year we were being called LESBIAN coz we sat together,went for the same tuition,sitting next to each other in tuition,goin everywhere together[for breakfast,lunch,goin toilet,goin to find d teachers,goin tuition etc.].. no wonder ppl called us LESBIAN,but i'm not.. i love BOY,not GURLS.. tis year sitting wit cmk,so,i was getting closer to her,n even michelle said we were LESBIAN,again.. Pls,i lurv BOY,not GURLS.. we had many happy times together,in class chit-chatting,crapping around,telling jokes,day-dreaming bout our future,missing someone[cmk shud noe wat i mean],disturbing our friends around,sharing problems,gossiping bout d teachers,backstabbing our frens[especially a few of them in our class] n of cos,we did argue sometime.. one more never to b forgotten,mah pei yew,my ever best "darling".. had a lot of happy times wit her,playing badminton,goin gai-gai,gossiping many things[especially bout frens.. haha.. i admit i'm 8..lolx],doin many stupid things jz to irritate someone[sounds crazy,ryte??],sharing problems,n always sot together n never argue wit her b4.. haha..

after d SPM,our gang went hanging around,formerly i was not allowed to drive car to ipoh byh myself,n my gang here influenced me.. finally i drove to ipoh wit them,i told my parents when i was on half way to ipoh,they were shocked but at last allowed me to go..
haha.. after d 1st time,sure got 2nd n 3rd time,went to ipoh many times ady.. huhu.. will have one more time driving to ipoh in these few days.. haha..

d above are roughly wat happened throughout d year of 2008,apparently,most of them were happy events,but internally,most were sorrowful events.. not to b mentioned here,hurting man.. so,jz keep it in my heart,lock it,keep it as memories.. anything i left out,so sorie.. pls do let me noe if i left out anything..
no offence of wat i did throughout d year,pls forgive me if i did anything tat offended u all..
i would like to appologise here if there was any.. sorie yea..

my WISHES for d coming year of 2009 :-

*straight A's for SPM

*improvement in every aspects

*entering matrix or Uni or any good colleges but not burdening dad n mum

*healthy body n life for family members especially to grandpa,mum,dad,brothers n unclesn frens

*happy life for all [family n friends n myself]

*make more friends

*building up confidence

tat's all for d moment,cant think of anymore yet..
i received a msg from calvin,i like it very much.. it sounds lik tis :-

再过1天我们就要和08年说再见了，所以想对你说三个感谢。

第一个，谢谢你让我走入您的生活，做你的朋友，或许我不是你最精彩的，但我总是尽力做到最好。

第二个，谢谢你愿意走进我的生活，扮演朋友的角色，直到今天你依然是我生命中唯一最精彩的部分。

第三个，谢谢你这一路走来，很多的包容、安慰、关心，支持与鼓励。感恩你。因31号肯定很多祝福讯息而让你来不急看所以甘脆先给你寄上:-D

新年快乐～2009

another one,from jacintha :-

2009 is at ur doorstep..

remember,Life is short,break the rules,forgive n forgive quickly,love truly,laugh uncontrollably,and never regret anything that made you smile..

happy new year n friendship forever.. :-)

i think tis will b my last post in year of 2008..
here,i sincerely wishing all of u Happy New Year 2009 n wish tat all ur dreams come true..
good luck throughout d year of 2009 n enjoy ur LIFE coz it is SHORT,cherish every moment u have..
Happy Studying n Happy Working..

*HAPPY NEW YEAR 2009*

*ANTI-HOSPITAL*

i dont want to become a doctor anymore..
i decided to take pharmacy course n never will take doctorate course anymore..
i phobia wit hospital,phobia wit patients,n watsoever related to hospital,i mean doctor n those who screams for pain..
kinda scared wit ppl who is in pain... cant take it when i see them..
jz now,bout 9sth at nite,i went to General Hospital wit my family,to visit my uncle..
heading towards d entrance,i can sense a strong feeling which was very uncomfortable..
i hate to go to hospital.. huhhhh...
my uncle was admitted to hospital tis morning at kampar..
his condition suddenly became worst n no choice,need to transfer him to Ipoh..
d time we reached,he was jz there moments ago..
he was admitted to emergency ward,critical unit..
he was very ill,in cronic condition...
erm,my mum n me entered to see him whereas my dad n younger bro waited outside..
he was in pain,suffered..
i cant take it when i saw him,i stood there frozen,frown.. huhhhhh...
tears filled up my eyes although i m not rili tat close wit him..
i tried hard not to cry,moments later we were asked to go out coz doctor needed to check on his condition..
once we were out,i stood there lookin' at my mum,n i told her,"i dont want to become a doctor anymore.."
tears rolled down my cheek,cried ady.. huhhhh...
d feeling was extremely bad,heart felt sour..
looking at him in pain,helplessly..
nothing i can do to help.. huhhhh..
later on,doctor came out n told us something,we were not allow to enter to see him..
so,oni discussion wit doctor outside d room..
my legs were shaking,lolx.. shivering..
doctor told us to inform family members as well as relatives,those who shud noe..
erm.. be ready for anything tat might happen..
we went home n on d way back,i was bit quiet.. my mind kept on imagining my uncle,his condition in pain,his voice screaming pain.. *sobs sobs*
till now,i still couldnt calm myself,my feeling is fretful.. huhhh.. may have a nitemare..
here,i would lik to sincerely pray for him..
may God bless him..
AMITUOFO..

*CUT HAIR AGAIN,SOBX*

today my mum n me went for a hair cut..
haha..
i was once plan to change hairstyle,but... at last,i didnt have d courage to do so.. kakax..
haix.. so,now my hair still d same style..
now it's straight-er n much more shorter..
almost cried out in d saloon.. crazy,ryte???
now i noe y ppl sad when their long hair being shorten..
haha..
my hair was formerly not very straight,i mean during d last time i had my hair cut..
my hair was quite long,almost reach my waist..
i tot after straighten it,it will looks longer..
yea,true..
but at last,my mum said cut it shorter due to some prob..
huh.. tat moment felt lik goin to cry,tears filled my eyes.. luckily didnt roll down..
haix.. about 6.5cm gone..
sobs sobs..
i wondered how long i have to wait to let it grows long again..
damn freaking sad wit tis..
i miss my long hair.. sobs sobs..
actually there were two things tat made me sad..
erm,d hair was d 1st case..
another was a secret..
not goin to say here,but jz wan to express it so tat i will feel better..
huh.. sad wit life..
how good is tat if time can reverse back..
i'm sure i'll grab each n every opportunity n i will hold tightly wat i have..
if time can reverse,i will not suffer so much like now,n everything will b as fine as it will be..
huh.. time waits for no man,tat's true..
so,cherish every seconds u have..

*VEXATION IN MIND*

today went to an edu fair at syuen hotel..
lolX..
5 of us gained quite lotzza information there..
btw,i was asking bout medical field..
not really interested in d others..
haix..
tis vexed me a lot,no idea of goin where..
SEGi college offers quite a nice one..
a year of foundation in science..
a 2+2 course,which means 4 years of studies..
2 years in SEGi college n 2 years in Univesity of Sunderland,UK..
i'm quite interested in tis..
d fees here will b around RM 11000+,n bcoz of i was d head prefect,d fees will b lessen by RM 3000(tuition).. so,it will b around RM 8000+ per year.. tat's great..
next will b 2 years in UK,bout 13000 pound per year including accomodation..
2 years in UK done,next on is a year postgraduate period of traning..
after d last year,i can work at there..
if i wish to transfer back to malaysia,i will hav to work for d government for 3 years time n den oni i will b approved as a pharmacist..
lolx..
i told my parents bout tis,n my dad said,"good,carry on.. take tis lar,dun worry bout d fees.."
i dun wan to burden them,i still got a younger bro,next year standard 3 oni..
but my dad said tat to me,n i told him to wait till i finished making survey of all d suitable colleges/uniersities..
inti oso ok,but i dun lik it much..
if i want to become a doctor,IMU will b d best choice..
my aunt was asking me to study at russia if i rili want to become a doctor..
still thinking.. she said it is either u will face human being or jz medicine..
human being=doctor.. medicine=pharmacist..
haix..
she did ask me to go to IMU,n study my final year in either Scotland,UK or Australia..
so far,i think i will like pharmacist more coz i couldnt endure seeing ppl screaming for pain..
i might mad one day.. hehe..
btw,wait for result bah..
hope to strike straight A's,if possible lar..
God bless..

holiday still long..
thinking of how to spent my time..
rili bored..
bored,bored n bored..
mpy,u went to sg so long meh..
miss u so much leh.. wait u to come back to play badminton ah..
wit ah matt oso lar.. miss both of u lar.. haix.. faster come back lar..
oh ya,u guys say wanna go out to yum cha n gai gai,call me bah..
pity myself,everytime so i'm d driver..
once go out,it will b a whole day long,tiring myself..
ok lar,ady 3.15am ler..
gonna read some articles n sleep..
hope u guys hav a nice holiday lar..
nitezzz...

*HOLIDAY*

lolX..
hols started dy..
now ady d 4th day lurr...
boring till death !!!! tis hols gonna drive me crazy..
nth to do at home..
monday was my last exam,n tues i was doing nth at home..
jz helped mum packed her things n cleaned up my messy room..
erm,wednesday i went back to skul to return d text books..
lolx.. say bye-bye to my books n skul ler..
b4 tat,on tuesday,we all(ah len,ah chow n may kee) ady planned to go yum cha after returning books..
so,we met at 9.10am at skul.. after returning book,we went in to my car n discussed d place we r goin to yum cha..
they all said pusing got nth to much t eat,as well as batu gajah..
so,we went to menglembu,without my parents knowing it..
hehe.. once a while b a bad daughter,nvm bah..
we spent around 2 hours at there wit d main purpose,used up our time..
too bored at home,so,everyone didnt want to go home..
later on,they said wan to go shopping at ipoh..
haha.. i gonna die coz need to tell my mum bout tat..
lolX... finally i called my mum n told her tat i was in ipoh,n she was shocked..
she doesnt let me go so "far" alone,especially after my frens' case..
i was phobia driving after tat case too..
but,wat to do,rili boring at home..
so,we went to parade,den to yik foong,den to greentown n go to medan kit to fetch my God brother..
huhu..
they all,as usual,asked me to send them home one by one..
huh.. one lives in pusing,one lives at batu gajah perdana,one in batu gajah..
wow,need around 45 minutes to send them home..
haix..
i reached home around 6pm..
haix,one day gone..
plan for d coming days rili make me headache..
i rather go to work,but my parents.. i m sure they wont let me go..
better stay at home,help them..
now everyday,sleep,eat,day-dreaming,on9-ing,helping dad n mum,n in conclusion,wasting time..
result will come out in march '09,bout a solid 3 n a half months from now..
bored-nyer...
now planning my future,erm.. i mean my way in d future..
i wan to b a doctor or mayb a pharmacist..
so,my field will b in medical field..
but i scare i dun manage to cope wit it..
cant deny i m rili interested in medical field.. but 1 problem tat obstructs me from refusing to become a doctor is i scare ppl scream for PAIN..
lolx.. funny izzit?? dun laugh,it's true..
my aunt was taking tis course too,but den due to some problem,she was back to malaysia n now she was working neither doctor nor pharmacist..
my characteristics are kinda alike wit my aunt,she admitted too..
love add maths n maths,love science subjects,sad over losing even oni a mark,cant afford to lose,hate history,n d main thing,we look alike.. my mum said tat too,i can b her daughter jor..
haha..
so,now i was planning my futher studies..
mayb i m goin to b a pharmacist.. tis sounds better for me..
currently planning to apply ASEAN scholarship,so tat i can go to singapore..
but wit my results,i dun noe whether can get a nt..
unfortunately,d applying date was closed,so,need to wait till after CNY..
erm,hope i can get matrix,enter matrix den to uni n d last year,overseas..
tat's my family decision,i hav no idea..
they pay for it,so,i will not critize nor go against them..
wateva ,i will accept..
better u all make d decision for me,i dun lik to make decision,makes me think a lot n worry a lot..
huh..
but now obviously,study here 1st den overseas,most probably australia..
for d moment,let me apply scholarship 1st,dun wan to waste my parents' money on myself too much.. i still hav a younger brother,oni 8 years old..
so,hope to get scholarship..
hmmm... God bless me..
d most important thing now,help me out from tis boredom life..
haix...
for those who have their planned hols,enjoy urself bah..
Happy Holiday !!!

*MISS U FOREVER*

why izzit so??!!!
i was shocked when i received may kee's call..
i felt lik goin to faint tat moment..
my heart was lik stopped a moment..
i couldnt accept it,but it was d fact..
it was rili happening..
no doubt.. not to make a joke wit such thing..
no joke..
gone.. gone.. gone..
*sob sob sob sob sob*
why lar..
i m speechless..
rili.. dun noe how to express my current feeling..
it was too sudden.. no one will expect..
for science students,today is their last paper..
i noe many of them will go out to celebrate,but.. why it was there..
OMG.. why larrrrrrrrrrrrr???!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
for account class students,they r goin to end their exam on next tuesday..
y cant u continue ur exam,do it,u can,i noe..
i noe it is not wat u want..
we all as well,no one will wish tis to happen..
WHY???????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*sob sob sob sob sob sob sob sob sob sob sob sob sob sob sob sob sob sob sob*
OH NO!!!!
i have no idea wat happened actually,but everything was too LATE..
i.. i..
i sincerely pray 4 u,[xx'xx]..
may God bless u..
for [xxxx],who is still in cronic condition..
i rili hope tat nothing will happen to u,recover as soon as possible..
i want to see u taking ur result next year march..
rili.. i mean it..
PLS..
dun let go of ur life..
grab it firmly...
DONT jz go away without reason.. u not worth it..
stay.. PLS stay...
i feel lik wan to have someone to hug,i cant accept wat is goin on now..
too fast it happened.. NO.. NO...
no one can take it...
please lar.. tell me,"tat's not d truth"
i dun hope tat it was true,but....
i have no POWER to change it..
too late..
GONE GONE GONE...
5 years..
PENYU~~KURA-KURA..
i miss u so much,so much.. infinite..
i want to hear u call my nick name,n i want to call u oso..
but now...
when i was form 1,u sat in front,2nd row..
when i was form 2,u sat behind me..
even thou we r not in d same class now,but we always see each other..
n our dialouge..
"PENYU~~KURA-KURA"
i rili miss this a lot,valueless...
WHY?????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
help me GOD,nowhere i can hear tat anymore..
NO.. NO...
not fair.. not fair..
*sob sob sob sob sob sob sob sob sob sob*

MAY GOD BLESS U..

MISS U SO MUCH,SO MUCH...
LOVE U FOREVER,IN MY HEART,DEEPLY..
LAST WORDS FROM ME..
[XX'XX],LOVE U FOREVER N EVER..
I WILL NOT FORGET U,IN MY LIFE..
GLAD TO NOE U..
OUR LOVE TOWARDS U WILL LAST FOR A LIFE TIME,ETERNALLY..

MAY GOD BLESS U..

*FEVER*

finally i noe y on monday i was feeling terribly bad...
i was having fever.. tat nite,which was,monday nite[tuesday morning],i was shivering badly..
i felt freaking cold n all my fingers turned purple colour..
haix~~~
i didnt expect tat i will have fever bcoz almost 4 years i didnt sick ady..
i was feeling terribly bad when i was sitting for d SPM examinations in skul..
i was very cold at tat time,n at certain time i felt rather hot..
after i took d medicine,i started to sweat n felt very uncomfortable..
haix...
i sat for my add maths paper 1 n paper 2 n oso moral paper..
ended at 5pm,but i went home at 4.20pm,after i had finished my moral paper..
after seeking d doctor,i followed my family to tesco..
after i reached home,i took medicine,i drank a cup of milo n had some bread..
i seldom sleep early,but tis time i could not endure coz on tuesday nite,i oni slept 2 about 2 hours oni..
so,i slept at 8++pm,rili suprising..
i seldom sleep at tis time..
haha..
tomoro still got exam until 5pm..
hope tat tonite i can endure till tomoro morning so tat i will have enough time to study..
hmmmm...
now still having flu n cough..
hope to recover soon,n hope tat my mum oso recover soon..
ganbateh for chemistry exam tomoro,n for d following exams..
ganbateh...

*17TH OF NOVEMBER 2008*

today my mood is terribly bad...
i dun noe wat happen actually,but i was moody since afternoon..
morning time i was ok,but after i sent my bro to tuition,my mood was not tat good anymor..
i feel lik wan to cry,but i try hard not to cry out..
tomoro still have to sit for add maths paper 1 n paper 2 n moral paper..
mayb it's bcoz of exam stress..
but,i personally dun think so..
jian wen told me a lot of things today..
i think d problem is not wit him,it's actually myself..
erm..
jz wan to blah here,to release tension..
can any1 help me?? i really feel tired,tired of life..
problems keep arising 1 by 1,n i dun noe wat's d best way to solve them..
i hate myself,but...
erm...
k lar,nothing more to say..
i hope tat my mood will b better..
still need to study 4 tomoro's exam..
haix...
ganbateh..

*GONE*

these few days something very wrong wit myself..
hmmm...
everyone around me can feel tat i bet..
errr... starting from tuesday..
in d evening time,i cried for d whole evening till my eyes swollen.. n dun ask me d reason,i dun noe..
at nite i still continue crying,n i have a history test on d next day.. so,d whole nite i didnt sleep..
on wednesday,i went to skul n sit 4 d exam,most of d students absent themselves.. i think it was bcoz of d exam lar..
wasted my time studying d whole nite[eventhou i didnt read much,jz day dreaming more],coz everyone was copying d answers either from their fren or book..
it was lik an open-book test..
lolxxx..
after skul,i tot of goin home to sleep.. but den mpy force me to go out wit her,we went to kfc bcoz there was a jamuan seimbas..
actually i planned to went home n drove my car out.. due to lacking of time,we finnally boarded a bus to bg n we hav my breakfast there..
later on,i followed mpy to tuition n i called my mum..
she told me tat my dad n her were in General Hospital visitng my grandma..
she asked me to went back to my grandma's shop n wait 4 'em..
so,after i left tuition centre,i went back to my grandma's shop.. by the time i reached there,my grandma ady arrived home[to her shop]..
she looked very sicked n i knew wat was goin on..
my cousin n i waited outside for my mum..
so,after they came back,my mum told me d whole story..
oh... now i realised wat was rili taking place..
later,we went home n took a bath..
we went back to my grandma's shop..huh... tears rolling down my cheek after i saw my auntie crying..
ermmm.. i dun noe how to say,sth happened n it made ppl sad..
i went in to look after my grandma.. everyone busy contacting their family including my dad n mum..
they called my brother who is in KL,n told him ath bout my grandma..
he did cry,but we were not telling him d truth yet.. scared he cant take it..
they told tat they were coming back tomoro[thursday],around 1pm..
at tat wednesday nite till thursday morning,we all took turn to look after my grandma..
at first,my ipoh aunt looked after her till around 3am.. my mum,KL aunt n me sat around my grandma..
later on,around 3am,i told my aunt to let me looked after my grandma.. i asked her to have some rest coz i knew tat she was very tired but shi was d 1 who cares a lot bout d family n not lik others,SELFISH..
so,i took over tat,i asked my mum to go back home n sleep.. and she listened,she went back n oni i was there.. my cousins n KL aunt as well as ipoh aunt were asleep too..
i sat next to my grandma on her bed,next t her head.. i need to wipe d blood for her..
pls dun ask me why tere was blood.. i can tell u tat,due to some health problem..
i looked after her till d morning time,around 7am.. my backbone was freaking tired but i pretended nth when they said they wanted to take turn.. i asked them to continue to rest.. so,till d morning time,they need to change my grandma's position after d whole nite sleeping in d same way.. so,tat time oni my aunt took over me n wipe d blood for grandma..
my two hands were full of blood,n my legs got a bit too.. i washed them away..
after tat,my father came to d shop..
i asked the car key from him n i told him tat i will went home n took a bath.. den i will b back to d shop again..
i went home,after a bath,i went back to d shop.. i continued to look after my grandma wit d assistance of my cousin till my cousins all were back..
after all were back,they cried after they had a look of my grandma..
in tat evening,i slept n my parents didnt wake me up,they knew tat i was tired[slept 1 hour in two nites]..
later on tat nite,my elder bro,my ipoh aunt,my uncle n me looked after my grandma.. we sat around her n chanted amitabha..
i was still tired.. i oni slept 7 hours in 3 nites.. i was d one sleeping d least..
haixxx...
i laid down my head next to my grandma n i was asleep.. my ipoh aunt was very tired too.. she also fall aslept..
my bro stayed up d whole nite looking after her..
around 3am,my KL aunt woke up n chanted for grandma..
huh.. around 3.20am.. my ipoh aunt woke up too.. i woke up a bit late n after tat,i saw 4 of 'em were looking at my grandma.. i quickly stand up n wipe d blood which was flowing out from her mouth.. it was a lot..
i ran out n woke up all my cousins n daddy..
all went in n we all knew wat happen.. we went back home at around 6am n took bath.. we then went back to my grandma's shop n all of us were busy..
i absent from skul on thursday n friday.. i was a bit disappointed coz i present to skul everyday jz to get full attendants.. but,now... haizz...
nvm lar.. grandma wat,no choice..
tis was d case which made me sad these few days..
my frens kept on asking me y i was sad,i oni tell some of them wat happened,some i didnt tell bcoz i think it was none of their business..
everything ended on sunday.. we were all damn tired n hav rest after tat..
i planned to take rest on monday,but may kee told me tat i hav no choice but to present at skul on monday.. it is COMPULSORY..
at last,i absent today[tuesday]..
finally,everything settled down.. now,my grandma's shop was a bit quiet.. we hav our family discussion there..
tat's all 4 d moment.. i m not goin to explain further y i was sad.. so,any1 who wants to noe can ask me,but i m not oin to tell everyone.. i will tell oni those i m close wit..

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

may kee,sorie coz i let u worried for a few days..
mpy,sorie coz cant accompany u to tuition..
n oso sorie to d others coz let u guys worried [especially ah chow,ah len,kok lim,ah kweed,juin how n so'on]
erm... it was quite funny when may kee told me wat happened on thursday..
hahaa...
she said,she worried 4 me till her hand was shaking..
tat morning,i didnt go to skul.. she was damn worried coz she knew tat i was full attendants,so,no reason for me to absent from skul except if there was accident or sth urgent..
my class was having an exam on tat day..
may kee quickly finished d test n borrowed hp fron Mr. Lee,she called my number but no one answered.. her hand was shaking.. later on she asked ah len for my mum's number,den my mum answered n she told may kee tat i m safe,oni some family problem..
when i went to skul yesterday,may kee told me these things,i laughed at d moment..
so sorie,dear..let u worried a lotzz..
i asked her y her hand was shaking.. she said,"i tot u drive to skul.. but till so late,u still havent reach skul.. erm.. i scare if there is an accident.. i finished my exam quickly n borrowed hp from uncle lee to call u.. but no one answer.. i even worry,dun noe wat is goin on wit u.. i ask ah len for ur mum's number,n i call her.. she said ur grandma is sick,so,u absent from skul,friday oso u r not coming to skul..."
later after tat,she felt relieved.. i was laughing when i heard tat..
huh.. she is such a caring friend.. thanx,dear..
i will remember u forever..
hahax...
i feel grateful to have u all..
u all cheer me up when i was down..
THANX...

*PICTURES DURING SEMINAR*

*me in my baju kurung attire..

*nadia,me n iffa.. *hall..

*punes[nice posing].. *hema p.,me n siao chee..

*me n dun noe wat is her name.. hehe.. *me n my ji mui,yoong huey..

some of d pictures.. can view more pictures in my friendster profile..
fs: l_byee91@yahoo.com
huhu..

*SEMINAR IN KAMPAR GRAND HOTEL*

it was a fantastic seminar i had never attended b4..
a 3 days 2 nights seminar 4 "pecutan akhir SPM"..
d 1st day we reached there was a friday [17th Oct] afternoon around 4pm.. we check-in n put our stuff in d room..
den we headed towards d hall.. d hall was a nice 1,mayb is bcoz it's still new lar..
neway,d air-cond there was damn cold de..
d 1st slot was a motivational 1.. but i think it was jz d intro lar.. not bout studies,mor to counselling..
it lasted 4 2hours n we were given an hour rest time.. we went to our room n changed our clothes coz we did not hav enuf time to bath..
had our dinner after tat till 8 pm.. 2nd slot,was d chemistry session..
we jz sat n listened n of cos jot down those important informations..
it ended around 10.15pm n d urus setia,a bm teacher from yuk kwan,Encik Wahid gave us some briefing bout tomoro's timetable..
after tat it was d supper time but my roommate n me didnt eat,but instead jz drank d drink prepared..
den we went to our room n placed our things properly..
we did hav a discussion tat nite,wit d next room,our frens from our skul oso[jas,punes,najwa n amirah],we planned to wear baju kurung d next day..
so,deal,i borrowed from iffa,hema p borrowed from nadia,n jas borrowed from najwa..whereas punes didnt want to wear n we did not force her..
iffa's 1 quite a big 1,n it makes me look "huge".. haha...
tat nite we slept at around 2.30am n woke up at 5++ in d morning..
obviously,we didnt hav enough sleep..
after taking bath,we changed to our baju kurung as wat we discussed yesterday..
erm... i didnt look nice but i prefer wearing it,comfortable marh..
haha.. we went to have our breakfast,d food there were nice.. den Encik Wahid approached us n looked at me.. he told me tat he was happy to see me n lik to kacau me..
but he was nice,i lik tis teacher very much..
den he praised me in my baju kurung attire.. i looked at him n he said,"jangan jeling saya macam itu,tergoda saya.." n we all laughed.. he was frolicsome n perharps tis was d reason i lik him..
there were altogether 5 slots,n i was damn sleepy during d 3rd slot,which was a physics session.. so,during d rest time at 4.30pm,we had around half an hour,4 of us[hema p,nadia,iffa n me] headed towards out room.. iffa took bath,nadia n iffa,didnt noe wat they did,n i took a short nap coz rili freaking tired..
after 10 minutes nap,we went down to d hall n listened d following slots..
it was den a history session n at nite was a bm slot..
after d last slot,bm slot,Encik Wahid gave us some briefing again.. in every slot,there will b a MC..
so,he asked us to volunteer 2 students to b d MC for the last 2 slots tomoro..
no 1 volunteered n he decided to list out d skuls name which there was no sudents from d skul tat volunteered to b d MC b4..
he wrote d numerical value from 1 to 5 on each of his fingers,which each represented a skul..
so,he asked a girl from seri kampar to choose one of d finger,n d lucky skul was ACS..
den he asked me to go in front n i was shocked a while..
den i went in front n chose his thumb.. it was SYS.. normal reaction,my skul will sure to cheer loudly coz SYS is lik our enemy..
after tat,we went to our room.. on d way,i met jeshua,who is a boy from SYS.. he told me,"nice choice.." n i replied,"sorie,i didnt mean tat.." n he jz smiled.. haha.. nth lar,we are frens..
den,we rest a while in our room.. after bathed,we went out a while,which was actually a wrong doing coz we were warned not to go out from d hotel..
neway,one of d student there,a girl from pei yuan,i jz recalled tat she was d girl who brought us to walk around pei yuan during d last time we went to their skul 4 caligraphy competition..
so,we went out to 7-eleven n i helped yoong huey to buy food..
it was raining mistily but we still went out..
tat nite,we slept at around 2am oso..
luckily d next morning oni left 2 slots..
it was add maths n maths..
during add maths,jas,mirah n me sat at d most front row..
den tat teacher started to ask questions..
wat's mor,we kena coz sitting at d front row..
he asked me a few questions n luckily i managed to answer him.. he did ask us bout d marks n we told him.. i was d highest among 3 of us.. he praised me n oso jas..
den d following questions,mostly he asked me n he kept on praising me tat i sure score A in SPM coz i hav tat potential.. he said whoever managed to answer his questions is a smart student n can score A.. he even asked my name,my result n wat skul i m from.. he praised me including my skul.. we felt proud..
so,all d 118 students there,from different skuls noe who i m..
huh.. after tat slot,i can hear ppl calling me genius here genius there n even some of them i didnt recognise them..
tis was a good teacher coz he gave us a lot of tips as a few of his frens are those who set d SPM questions.. we were lucky to hav him as our speaker..
lastly it was d maths session but all were bout add maths..
it was a talk from d Tuan PPD..
lastly was d closing ceremony..
after tat we had our lunch,there was no place 4 us coz too many ppl there including d Tuan PPD..
so,some guys from t.tualang,an indian boy which i knew him,but dun noe wat;s his name offered us a table n they left.. so,we sat down n hav our lunch..
tat guy was so gentleman,he tuition in d same place wit me[biology]..
i remembered tat there was once after tuition,i went into my car n there were a few motors in front of n behind my car,so i was stucked there n had to wait till all d motors gone,den oni i will manage to went back home.. den came tis guy,he pushed away d motors n tis enabled my car to b drove out from d parking n i can get home..
cant deny tat he was rili a gentleman.. two events proving my statement..
after lunch,we took a few photographs b4 we went back..
it was a GREAT seminar n i lurv it so much..
rili miss d time during d seminar..
it was so enjoyable n wonderful..
haha..
hope to have such a nice chance in d future..
miss u guys in d sem especially my happy time wit yoong huey,teng leong,ka huey,suit yee,d pei yuan girl n of cos wit jas,punes n amirah..
n lastly,gud luck in SPM..
ganbateh..

*RESULTS DRIVING ME MAD*

d faremost,happy tat david came back dy.. haha..
a 9 days trip to singapore,minorly 4 exam,majorly..wasting time coz oni 3 days were spent 4 d exam.. haha..
ok,come back to d main point..
finally i got all my papers n even d position in class..
as wat i had expected,it was so.. huhh..

conclusion of results :

history = 50
account = 62
add maths = 70
biology = 75
chemistry = 82
moral = 83
bm = 83
est = 83
physics = 84
bi = 89
mod maths = 97

position : 3 [never tat bad b4,frustrated]

from form 4 till d mid year exam of form 5,i was in d 1st position..
tis time,PECAH REKOD~~~3rd place..
huhh..
i m speechless..
oh ya,b4 i forget,congrats hema n c.yee for getting d 1st palce n 2nd place respectively..

~~transmission ends~~
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
gud luck to those who r sitting 4 their PMR,tomoro is d last day.. strike it,ganbateh..
for those who r goin to sit 4 their SPM next month,11th of november 2008.. GANBATEH too..
gud luck n all d best..
GOD bless..

*TRIAL EXAM*

finally i got all my exam papers for trial except add maths..
let's me express it here..
i m quite disappointed wit them..
haix..
let me start wit d lowest..
history as usual,d subject i hate d most..
i got 50 marks 4 it but i was happy coz i passed it..haha.. i tot i will fail tis paper,but luckily not.. keke..
next,my account paper,62.. haix.. tis prove tat d subject tat is not taught in skul will not giv me high marks n i admit tat i didnt study 4 tis subject.. kaka..
den is my add maths,i think i got a B 4 it,but dun noe wat's d mark.. i was rili frust wit tis coz i didnt get such a low marks lik tis b4..
neway,over dy..
next comes my A's.. haha..
first of all,my biology which i didnt read even a single page.. i fell asleep tat nite n tat's y i got 75 oni,but still A.. i didnt expect i can score A even i didnt study at all.. thanx God..
2nd,chemistry 82..haha..not bad.. but didnt prepare well,most of d marks gone bcoz of my careless mistakes.. it's ok,i will try better in spm..
next,my est,some ppl might not noe wat it stands 4,it is actually english for science and technology..i got 83 for it.. i think tat is d highest,not bad.. but in d real exam,i dun think i can score tat high..
next is my bm,which my teacher told me tat he was disappointed wit me.. haix,83.. but i wondered y he disappointed wit me even i got d highest mark..
he said tat my essay was not as excellent as last time,n i told him,"teacher,i m a chinese.."
he didnt say anything den.. hehe..
den is my moral education,i got 83.. i m sure i will hav get 90+ if i didnt write d definition 4 every question.. haix.. teacher told me she was frust wit me,n i myself too.. haix..
next,my physics.. no comment,83 oni..
huh,most of d subjects i got 83..haha..
den is my english.. i cant score d highest among d whole form 5,sad wit it..
nvm,still got 89,n d highest is 90.. jz a single mark oso i failed to score..huh...
lastly,d 11th subject,mathematics.. erm,i aimed for 100 at 1st,but since i got 1 wrong in my objective paper,so,aim gone..
i got oni 97,but nvm lar.. still is d highest.. not bad lar..
ok,tat's all my results..
overall conclusion,8A's,1B n 2C'S.. haix..
hope to get a better result in d real SPM..
b4 i ended,i would like to wish gud luck to all who r taking SPM tis year.. oni around 1 month left..
ganbatehh!!!
dun b sad wit d trial results,work towards d real SPM.. huhu..

*EVERYTHING CLEARED*

finally he clarified everything..
i mean my ex,d 2nd one..
haix...
he cheated me a lot..
cant put d blame on him,but i m sure i didnt do anything wrong..
he told me wat happened b4,but den indrectly,jz through body language..
n i kept myself silent tat time..
ermmm.... i didnt ask anything..
so,he jz stayed quiet..
at last,after we had broken up,my bro told me sth bout him..
oh.. finally i noe wat is goin on..
hmmm... i m happy tat i had broken up wit him,escaped from d story he created..
few days ago,he asked me to become his gf once mor,i didnt giv him an exact answer..
i asked him lotz of questions...
n at last,i knew everything..
huh... tired of him...
i purposely scolded him indirectly.. n he was lik admitted his wrong..
anyway,i didnt wan to talk much wit him..
even when he asked me whether we r still frens,i didnt giv any answer to him..
till today,he sms-ed me again,telling me some nonsense..
i didnt reply him..
waste time waste money,i hate those ppl who cheated me!!!

*FREAKING TIRED*

wow.. freaking tired..

last tuesday i went to play badminton wit my darling,peiyew,her bf,matt n lee kee..

huh.. i played 3 hours non-stop.. damn tired de..

we started at 3pm,den i played till 5pm.. den had a rest n continue playing around 15 minutes..

we went home bout 6pm..

after i sent lee kee back,i went home as my bro asked me to do so..

den idrove n sent his gf to bg n i went there to take my data card,for on9 use..

reached home bout 7pm..

walao..freaking tired..

i felt lik i was paralysed..

haha..

after i took bath,i jz threw myself onto d sofa n watched tv..

rili felt lik paralysed...

huh...

on thursday..again i went to play badminton wit mpy,ah matt,my elder bro,marcus,gsk n dee sen..

we played 4 n a half hours..

in between we rested,so,tis time better..

haha..

at least not tat tired..

neway,i enjoyed playing badminton..

lurv it very much..

hope to hav mor chances to play..

keke...

-peace-

*I M USELESS*

i wonder y other ppl can succeed but yet not me..
i m so useless..
i have nth good in watever aspect..
i hate myself..
i m so moody,so down..
nth i want to say here..
when i m moody,i usually keep my mouth shut..
n ppl will tell me tat,"y u so quiet,u look scary lar..talk wit me lar.."
hahax.. funny phrase,moody where got mood to chat lar..
i feel lik want to cry,but tears didnt roll down..
i suppose after i cry,i will feel better..
i m so frust with myself..
i m getting worst..
can some1 help me so tat i back again lik my life last year,being a psycho will b better tough..
i hate myself..
i m disappointed wit my everything..
i wan to b lik others,succeed,happy.. but i think i wont have it..
eventhou i will easily back to a good mood again,but i m easily become moody too..
i hate myself,i m useless..
tat's wat i can describe bout myself..
jz a moment ago,ppl gek chan me..
thanx her,my tears finally roll down..
now,feel better..
haha..
but i still hate myself..
i m useless..
today i got a few exam papers jor..
wah,beautiful marks..
highest 4 bm,83.. highest 4 est essay..
wat 4 highest?? but today 2A gone,add maths n bio i couldnt get A..
dun noe d marks yet,but i m sure no A 4 these 2 subjects..
so frust..
i hate myself..
i m getting worst..
when will i change..
i rili need someone's help..
i rather live a bad life lik last year..
rili,i opted to live tat kind of life than to live d present life..
sob sob..

*FINALLY TRIAL EXAM ENDED*

nah,let me tell d process roughly from d very 1st day..
1st day,as usual starting wit d bm paper 1 followed by paper 2..
erm,basically,i dun rili scare of bm papers.. nth much to read oso..
but,dun noe y i felt a bit nervous,phobia of entering d hall.. mayb it was d 1st day bah..
after i sat 4 d exam,i felt much mor relaxed n comfortable..
both d papers were not rili tough..
still ok bah i bet..
d 2nd day were bi papers.. n history paper 1..
i noe i m going to hentam watever answer 4 history coz i m rili freaking hate tat paper..
bi oso got nth much to study,so,i jz read through d novel n d literature component..
i didnt read much 4 history,even i noe i m weak in tis subject..but watever lar,not interested in it..
haha...bi not rili tough,but history i ended up dun noe how to do.. shyt lor..
ok,now 3rd day.. history paper 2 n moral education..
wat do u think i will score..
no prob in moral but history paper 2 ar,"easy" 4 me lar..
sap sap sui..
i got some tips from m fren,but not all r correct..
part of it got come out in exam,but i didnt read much,day time after skul i went to ipoh to get my new myvi.. bout half a day i spent there wit my daddy mummy,reached home bout 7pm after fetching my bro..at nite read 2 chapters outta 20 chapters,den fall aslept jor..
so,i m sure u can guess wat i got 4 it.. hahaxx...
4th day,maths 2 oni.. not so scary.. finally can hav some rest.. hahax..
5th day oso maths,paper 1.. oso not scary.. take it easy..
keke..
gonna die 4 d following weeks..
now is d 2nd week stories.. huhu..
monday,physics paper 3.. it came out exactly d tips we got.. hahax.. quite easy i think..
tuesday,est 1,est 2 n account paper 1..
est nth much to read,roughly d same as bi paper,but mor on kbkk..
account paper sucks.. haix... same thing again,fall aslept again,n study a bit oni..
watever..
wednesday,wat a nice day.. no exam.. hooray.. time 4 me to prepare 4 account paper 3 on d following day..
i didnt study account in skul coz i m from science stream.. so,i dun rili pro in account..
quite blurred..so,jz try my best of luck..
hahax.. as wat i said,wan to study,enede up study nth..
everytime exams oso lik tat de,last minute study..
but tis time easily fall asleep,so,gonna die oso lar..
on thursday,i rili study very little 4 my account,n tis was d 1st time i knew how d account paper looks lik.. i spent bout 1 n a half hour on d 1st question.. at last,didnt finish.. haix..
left a lot.. n those i did,d account didnt balance oso.. haix.. frust wit it..
crap,friday biology.. d subject i love d most.. i put a high target on it..
in d noon time i didnt read coz too tired..
so,i plan to read it at nite coz tuition starts from 4pm till 9.30pm..
once i reached home,i studied but jz a few moments later,i fall aslept..
haix..
my mum woke me up at around 2.30am but i didnt realise tat..
as usual,at 6am,my mum woke me up n she told me it's ady 6.00am..
oh my god,i didnt even read a single page..
i was rili in hot soup.. rili felt lik wanna cry..
it was too late..
i sat 4 both d bio papers n i wrote a lot,perhaps all were rubbish..
haixxxxxxxxxxxxxx.. my target gone..
end 4 d 2nd week..
it continued wit d 3rd week..
monday is d physics paper 1 n 2,not very tough.. it came out a lot from d tips we got..
d next day were chemistry papers..
paper 1 n 2 oso,a bit confusing.but nth much to comment,jz try my best to answer..
wednesday,add maths paper 1,bio paper 3 n chemistry paper 3..
three papers r not very tough.. quite ok..
hooray,finally d last day..
add maths paper 2.. on wednesday i went to play badminton wit my bro,n nite went to tesco.. hahax.. at last came back didnt study oso n study during morning time..
ended up,a lot blank spaces in d paper.. haix.. no time to finish n some even dun noe how to answer..
haix..


today after my add maths paper ended at 10.15am,we stayed at skul coz not allowed to go home..
bm teacher,uncle lee told me tat he is a bit disappointed wit me..
i ask him why,he told me i did not a s good as last time.. haix..
but luckily i still got A it..
next,moral lesson,our moral teacher,pn cecilia told me sth bout my exam paper..
i asked,"teacher,how was my paper??"
she said,"i m disappointed wit u.."
i was suprised n said,"harrrr.... why.. got A a nt.."
teacher said i did it correctly but bcoz of i wrote in d definition,marks were deducted..
haixxx.... too diligent wrote too much..
luckily still got A..
my target for 100% in maths gone,i got 1 question wrong in paper 1.. haix..
one subject i regreted in d mean time,i got C for my account.. sob sob.. no mood jor..
but,i felt grateful coz i passed d paper.. i rili didnt well 4 it..
at nite time i went tuition,i was moody n quiet tat nite..
my fren from yuk kwan said,"lby,cheer up.. dun lik tat lar,i m afraid of u lar.. u did it good jor lor.."
later i was ok..
reached home,i on9 n sth rili irritated me..
my mood back to moody again.. haix..
i jz feel lik wanna talk to someone,i wanna express out my feeling.. feel lik wanted to cry till no more tears..
sob sob sob...
but i hope everything will b ok..
i hope someone will appear to persuade me when i am at d most down condition..
thanx4 those who persuaded me..
life is empty n meaningless witout frens..
frens r lik d colours tat fill up our life,no frens means d life will b dull..
thanx to all my frens,love u guys so much..
frenship 4 ever..

*SOUR HEART*

dear,sorie ar..
i made tis decision not to hurt u.. not to make u unhappy..
i jz dun wan to let u love me mor,n at last u will hurt mor..
as time grows,u will love me mor n mor,n if i break wit u tat time,surely i will hurt u much mor greater..
actually i didnt expect u to 4giv me.. but i noe u wont angry wit me,n u always say.."mayb i m not good enough"
seriously,u r good.. a good bf too..
but it's jz tat,tat kind of feeling doesnt exist..
if we still carry on,i'm sure i will find a lot of rubbish reasons to avoid u..
i feel guilty larrrrr.......
i even cried in skul.. hahax.. *ashamed*
i did my revision in skul,but at last still on d same page when skul ended..
hahaxx... noe y?? i looked at d book,stared hard on it,but it was lik transparent.. i couldnt concentrate at all... dun noe wat d hell i read..
a lot of things rushing through my mind.. get me distracted..
my malay frens even asked me wat happen,they said i looked sth wrong oni..
my assistant asked me too,haixxx... nth larr...
i sot jor jek.. later ok d lor...

today d whole day i didnt eat.. no mood lerrr...
but i dun noe y.. i shouldnt feel sad wat,i "fei" ppl,still wan to sad..
i rili dun wan to cheat u n myself.. loving wit an insincere heart,same as cheating jek.. not much difference i suppose..
i didnt hav tis kind of feeling b4,when we chatted in msn today.. i felt a kind of feeling,undescribeable..
he gav me a kind of feeling,totally different from usual.. i can feel d sadness in him..
in fact,he was a cheerful,happy go lucky person.. everytime i chat wit him,sure i can feel his happy tone.. but today totally no,i cant feel any happy tone nor cheerful spirit..
i felt very guilty,mayb i made a wrong decision..
i should take him as my best friend at 1st,he can rili cheer me up..
after i accepted him oni i realized.. too late.. so,i decided tis so tat i wont hurt him even deeper in future time..
tat's d point i broke up wit him or else i m jz cheating him n myself as well..
i m sure he can find a better 1,much mor better than me..
cheer up every1..
i can fulfil ur request,we r still d best pair of "darling-honey"..
thanx 4 wat u did 4 me all these while..
thanx.. n sorie 4 wat i did..

*AIKSSS*

aiyo.. my fringes become shorter again..

looks lik small child..

haix..

hav to wait a few mor months to hav back my long fringes..

hehehex...

*LONG TIME DIDNT BLOG*

ermmm...
nth much to say here..
jz wanna update my blog here coz long time didnt blogging..
lazy to write n nth much special happened recently..
a lot of happy things n unhappy things happened,but all tat r jz part of life..
sometimes there is sth damn annoying,but den jz cant voice out..
mayb i can voice it out here,but after i think it over n over,it is better 4 me to jz keep n lock it in my heart..
if i voice it out,mayb there will b much mor troubles..
so,to deter tat,better jz keep my mouth shut!!
exam jz around d corner,i dun rili scare eventhou i havent study or revise any single subject out of d 11 subjects..
maths n add maths shouldnt hav much prob,bm n bi hav to read a bit,n d others quite a big problem..
haix.. tis time gonna die.. my hope 4 straight a's gone..
hopefully wont b tat terrible laq..
haixxxx......

next,i would lik to say bout my life..
holiday now..
but go no where..stay at home b a guai guai lui..
haix..
never hav hols 4 a few months time i bet..
damn bored..
evryday on9 n den do hw n need to study jor..
dull life,bored life n sometimes life makes me uneasy.
i dun rili like my own life..
evrything doesnt go smooth,but i shud b grateful to God coz if compared to d others,my life is not a bad 1..
and 1 thing i dun lik bout my own life,a thing tat burden me..
but,neway i cant jz leave it n do nth,it is not tat we want to leave it,we can leave.. i will hav to b responsible 4 it..
haixxxxx...
i hate tis kind of life..
i hope tat my life will b better after all d burden gone..
mayb a few months later,or mayb a few years later..
never think of it..
4get it!!!

concentrate on my studies,exam rili near jor..
gonna die very soon!!!!
huhu...
to those who will sit 4 d exam,ganbateh..

*DEAD*

today d small little doggie died..

i was shocked when i heard tat from my mum.. rili unexpected..

d baby dog was jz around 3-4 months old..

these few days it kept on crying day n nite without reason.. mayb it was suffering,pain or watever..

my mum said mayb d doggie ate sth poisonous n its body could not take it n d cells slowly died..

it was getting thinner n thinner,n finally tis morning it was so weak tat it cant even move far..

its body was shivering these few days n we all dy expected sth to happen..

it was a cute little doggie,among d six little doggies,it used to b d fattest n healtiest last time..

tat's y i myself didnt expect tat it will gone so fast..

i was a bit sad when my mum told me bout tis news,n when i looked at my mum wrapping d little doggie in some cloth n put it in d box,i felt even sad.. dun noe how to describe tat feeling..

who had experience tat b4,u will understand my feeling..

anyway,i hope tat tis wont happen again..

now,there r oni 5 little doggies left..

d 1st pict is d pict of d doggie when it was healthy n d 2nd pict is after it had died..

*GOSH*

haix.. my bottle broken jor..

sob sob..

d string attached on d head of d bottle suddenly broke-off..

d bottle fell on d floor in my room n d floor got wet..

pity myself,i had to clean it up..

jz imagine 2500ml of water on d floor..

my bottle is such a giant 1.. n can fill up to 2500+ml of water..

n i manage to finish it in skul..

ppl call me "water tank".. hahax..

i admit tat,tat's y i seldom fall sick..

my bottle is d biggest one in my class n even in d whole skul.. i didnt see 1 tat was bigger than mine..

kekekekexxxx....

i used around half an hour to clean up d water.. n it fell exactly next to my bed..

crap.. part of my bed got wet too..

haix.. hav to think of d way to dry it..

impossible 4 me to take it out n dry it under d sun coz it is a heavy 1,a doubled-bed..

so,jz let it b n my mum will solve d problem 4 me..

she asked me to leave it there n it will dry..

haix.. my big bottle gone..

*HOPE TO CHANGE*

today,a motivation session was held in my skul..
d lecturer briefed us a lot of things regarding d exam-how to score in exam,how to change ourself into a better person etc...
there was a part where he said tat we should b grateful to God coz we were given a good life n we had parents to take care of us..
he asked us to b faithful to our parents n paid back wat they had sacrifice 4 us..
tat was a touching moment n most of d students rili can felt wat he said n started to feel guilty to their parents..
i did think of tat too.. n i felt guilty tat sometimes i was rili rude to my mum..
d lecturer continued to talk bout those touching things n many of them cried..
i did cry oso,rili cant endure anymor..
so,i jz release off my feelings by crying..
so silly,rite..
but rili felt touched wit wat he said n i felt guilty to mum..
i felt tat i was so useless.. i rili wanted to get a good result in SPM,i didnt want ppl to under-estimate me..
i will try my best to score in SPM so tat my parents will b proud of me..
but if cant score,den i appologize..

*1ST CALL*

ermhemm...today,juz now,2++pm(05/07),my dear call me 4 d 1st time..actually not d 1st time laq,but b4tis he got called me oso,but den i didnt manage to answer..
late jor.. hahax..
jz now he called me when i was eating,den he called me d 2nd time oni i answered..
my hp was in my room,n my younger bro who was oni 8 years old was in my room playing game in my pc..so,he shouted at me n i felt funny 4 tat.. i didnt noe y i felt funny tat time..
mayb bcoz of my bro seldom shouted at me,hehex..
he said :-

"jie(sister),ur hp ringing.. a very long music,ringing so long jor.. david liao call u.."

funny izit?? hahax.. mayb u all dun feel tat,but i do feel tat it was funny,my bro was different from d other days,he seldom tell me who call me.. but tis time he do mentioned d name..
hehex..
den later i asked him,he said at 1st he thought it was jz a msg..den he found tat d song was different from d msg tone..
so,he looked into d hp n saw a hp symbol n was returned there, [[ david liou ]]..
so,he call me n mentioned d name..
after tat,i answered d call n we chatted 4 a while..
he can oni call me in private places,but not at home..hahax..
at home if his mum noe it,he will b questioned..hehe..
in our conversation,he told me tat he missed my voice..i said,he didnt hear my voice 4 1 week oni wor..
but den,i was happy to hear tat.. got ppl missed my voice.. hehehehexxx...
later in msn i chatted wit him,he said tat he missed my voice.. he missed my real person too,but no choice,hav to wait till we hav d chance to meet again..
so,in d moment,can oni miss my voice 1st..kekex...

looking forward 4 d next call..
dear,miss u..

*BAD + HAPPY*

i m happy to say tat yesterday i saw my dear 4 d 1st.. i was so scared.jz lik wat he felt..
he told me tat he was nervous too.. i did hav d feeling too..yea,normal to hav those kind of feeling,1st time wat..
so,when i 1st saw him,he was goin to came near me n greeted me..
so,i asked him to keep quiet 4 a while coz my fren,lyy doesnt noe our relationship yet..
so,i jz said,"shhh...."..
luckily he understood wat i said..
later i called cmk n she came to meet us.. she was walking wit his dear b4 meeting us,normal wat,got bf,fren oso need to put aside loq..
hehex... hope u dun mind i said tat,cmk..
den we walked to d cinema.. when d movie almost start,we went in n had our seat..
he said he felt tat i was brushing his hand,i m not purposely doin so,accidentally laq..
but,anyway,it was good in the sense tat it created a chance 4 us to hold hands..
hehehexxx..
after d movie ended,we went down to find our friend at popular..
on d way to popular,we got hold hands too.. somewhere in front of popular,he saw his friends..
wow,such a big gang of ppl.. they saw us holding hands n i quickly let go n walked front a bit so tat they wont hesitated us..
but,i thought they had saw it,it was too late..
anyway,i was not afraid of this..
kekekekexxxx....
hope to c my dear again,sure we will hav a chance in coming time..


next come to d bad news..
yesterday my uncle n my elder came back from kl..
so,we chatted 4 quite a long time,can say d whole nite.. all bout our life,our bf n gf..
i got told them evrything bout all my ex-bf,from d very 1st till now,d 4th time..
so,last nite my ex(d 2nd n 3rd bf,d same person) sent a msg to me.. asking me whether i was free or not,he called later me..
he asked me izit my dad scolded me when my dad knew tat i was dating wit my him..
i said,ya.. but actually my dad nagged my mum n my mum told me..
so,i said my hp bill oso exceeded d limit 4 tis month..
den i asked him got wat to said b4 we ended d conversation..
he jz sighed,wat he wanted to say,i rili didnt noe..
so,i asked him again,"wat u want to say,jz say.. dun tell me nothing.. every msg u sent to me oso said tat u hav a lot of things to say to me,but when u call me,u say u hav nothing to say.. better voice it out now.. if not,i m sure in ur next msg,u will say u hav a lot of things to say to me again.. n den will call me again,n again tell me u hav nothing to say.. "
so,after tat i told him,"later when i miss call u oni u call me again,now eating wit my uncle n elder bro.. later they hesitate me.."
so,he said ok n i straight away hanged up d call..
later at nite,around 1am oni i sms him,saying tat,"mayb tonite u no need to call me,i m not free.. next time oni u find me laq,but i think if u hav nothing to find me,den no need to find me laq.."
in fact,i did tat bcoz i had knew something bad about him,he was a fren of my elder bro,my elder bro told me bout d things tat my ex had done b4,tat i didnt noe..
felt lik being cheated,he was such a big LIAR!!!!!!
i was damn regret once i heard tat..
i shouldnt started tis relationship wit him,i was so stupid,i supposed..
but now after i had broke up wit him,i felt so relax..

tis was d msg his mum sent to me.. no,i should said,it was sent by him in fact,but using his mum's hp.. such a great liar.. go to become director laq,so good in d sense of making story...

[["你直接讲讨厌豪可以吗？"]]

den i didnt replied him,i was angry..
den till today morning,he sent a msg to me too..

[["我不知你是不是瞎了！还是我根本就是跟废人讲话！你真的有当我是朋友咩！！唔该！不要当我傻仔！！"]]

i was even angry when i saw tis..
i m not goin to reply him..
so damn IRRITATING!!!!!
ANNOYING!!!!!!
hate him damn a lot,y am is so stupid to love a ppl lik tat..
regreted it very much..


HATE U !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*TOUCHING MOMENT*

it was 27th of june 2008,which was last nite.. at 00:38..(12:38am)..i experienced a touching moment..
it had been a long time since i was last feeling touched..
last nite,i should said tis morning bcoz it was after 12pm jor..
someone said something touching to me..
my dar dar said it was d 1st time he told these things to a girl..
hehex.. i was so happy coz i didnt expect tat i was d lucky 1..
he said :

"s--- r--- --e -o... " to me..

those who knows,den gud laq..
4 those who dun understand wat i wrote,it's ok...
hehex..
but i m sure cmk will noe it,n of cos my dar dar too..
he said tat bcoz english version too common..
i said "common still significant something"..
den he told me d same thing once more,but now in english version..
hahax..
rili a touching moment tat i had not felt long time dy..
thanx,dear,muacxxxx....

d 2nd touching moment...
it was 27th of june too..22:35..(10:35pm)..
another scene,which was very touching..
hahax.. i request him to say again wat he told me last nite(tis morning)..
hehehehexxx.. happy to hear tat..
another reward 4 u..
dear,muacxxx...

additional scene....
n lastly,jz now around 00:30 to 00:45(28th of june 2008),he said tat to me again n tis time is in front of cmk in msn..
hehehexxx...
damn happy...
den d last msg was sent to me personally,not in d conversation wit cmk coz tis thing cant let her see..kekex..
he oso told me tat if i like,how many times oso he willing to say..
sayang u,dear...
muackxxxxxx....

*IZZIT EVERYTHING OK*

XX find me again jz now,he asked me whether we can still meet each other??
so,i said,"can,but how we want to meet.. u dare to come to my house?? if u wan,can 4 sure,but when my parents r not at home laq.."
den he said,"i will wait till ur bro come back,den oni find u.."

today he had came back to malaysia,to his own place..
actually he said he gonna find me today,but den cancelled dy..
good oso,i dun wan to see him..
den he asked wat was i doing tat time..
i told him i 0n9 4 d whole afternoon n wanna go bath later..
after quite a long time oni he replied me saying tat,"ok,dun wan to disturb u.. i dun hav anything to say.."
i wrote,"ok den.. wait,1 mor question,last question.."
i asked him izit d msg tat was written by his "sis" true-izit he rili drank wine n smoke..
he told me tat d msg is true,he did tat bcoz he was unhappy..
den another msg he wrote,"i noe my "sis" love me,i oso sayang her vry much but i wont love her.. i miss u so much.. ok laq,dun wan to disturb u.. bye.."
den i replied him asking him to take care of himself,dun ever do things tat harm his health..
he said,"i hope so i can.."

after tat i din replied his msg,if i replied,tat means something gonna happen..
sure will argue again..
so i better dun reply,as wat me dar dar told me..
"if he send any msg regarding d relationship between both of u,better dun replied him.. if not he will even feel hard to accept.."
tat's wat my dar dar said..

*ENDED*

errhemmm... dun noe wat to say..

finally it comes to an end.. tat guy got find me yesterday n we chat in quite a good mood..

i didnt want to argue wit him,it will b a tiring thing 4 me to do tat..

so,we chat calmly.. i think he was better than d other days.. both of us can chat now..

he told me tat he didnt smoke n drank wine anymore..

i feel better after he said so,n i started to wonder,i hesitated his honesty..

i think those messages he sent to me were fake--i mean he was d one who wrote it..

i asked him whether he still smoke.. he told me he didnt smoke anymor..

or mayb he din smoke at all,jz creating a story to get my sympathy.. i had no idea on tis..

anyway,i dun wan to care bout all those problems n d past..

i think ppl should look forward,agree???

so,i had decided to start a brand new day..

errr... hehex..

jz to share out my happiness wit u all..

i finally started a new day,a new life n a new XXX...

hahahax..

some of u may not understand wat i mean,but i m sure cmk n my dar dar will understand tis,rite??

[[[special to my dar dar:--

thanx 4 asking me those question last nite..

ya,u get my pass..

glad to b ur "best breakfast".. hehex.. ]]]

tat's all 4 d moment..

hehex..

*FRUSTRATING!!ANNOYING!!*

today gonna talk bout d same problem.. today he made me so angry..
i rili feel tat he was so annoying.. below was d msg his "sis" sent to me..

[["我是XX的乾妹他不在家所以拿他电话用我有打给你的好像没人接．我有些话跟你说．我很喜欢他的可是他只把我当妹妹．伤心．我知道他只爱你所以只好当他妹妹了他很疼我我们没有什么不讲的．我知道你们分手了讲真的啦我很开心因为我可能会有机会跟他一起了．可是看到他就很不开心了．他变了．又喝酒又吸烟．他买了戒指给你你知道的吗他说这星期日回去找你听了几生气啊一整天都没睬他．然后他把戒指给了我我以为他接受我了．失望．．他这几天都在喝酒．你劝下他啦．如果你还当他是朋友．我说什么他也不听．他应该会听你的．拜托．谢．．"]]

i asked him not to b lik tat.. but he told me he was ok.. actually,i hesitated whether d msg is sent by him or rili was his "sis" wrote it..
made me blur blur.. i got asked him bout tat n he told me,"u always think tat i m lik tat laq,so,u just assume tat it is written by me.."
yup,i realize tat was my fault.. tis was bcoz i rili cant believe tat he will did such things..
later i got asked him y he didnt wan to date wit his "sis".. he told me tat he didn't want to hurt 1 mor time n he had not 4got me.. haix.. he knew tat we wouldnt hav any chance mor,but still cant accept it..
later i asked him whether still got work a nt coz i scared he stopped work bcoz of our problem,he did so b4..
den he told me he didnt stop,he said,"i m not as rich as u,my life doesnt d same wit urs.. ur parents hav enough money 4 u to use on tis n tat.. totally different from me.."..
i told him,"money is not everything.. i asked him to stop doin those stupid things(wine n cigarette),i oso said tat d ppl tat i had loved b4 will never do such rubbish things.."

he replied,"u got love me b4 meh..hahax.."
i was damn angry when i read tis msg,i knew tat he was trying to joke wit me,but i rili feel annoyed .. i told him tat,"dun ever forget who makes me dun love u!! feeling so suffer.."
den he said,"u said no mor feeling laq,n tis n tat.. feeling suffer,bcoz i disturb u,rite?? or may b u suffer bcoz of ur new bf??"
i was damn angry n our argument satrted.. i said tat,"ya,rili.. i got so many bf at here,tat's y so many things to think!!!! "
he oso mentioned tat he mayb coming back to here on sunday.. i dun wanna see him..
hate him..
we argued till jz now(10pm) n i told him in d last msg,"i was so tired.. i dun wan to argue anymor.. chat till here.. enough!!!! take k!!!"..
n later on he replied such a long msg to me n tis was even mor annoying.. irritating!!!
in d last line,he appologised.. i had decided not to reply his msg.. wait till he find me again,if not,i wouldnt find him anymor..

[["刚才我酱讲是因为想知道你有没有男友..我不好意思直接问你..我每次问你是不是不要我了,我想给你知道你对我几重要..我讲过要我答几百遍这问题我都不会闲,就好像说我爱你..然道你每天跟你男友讲我爱你也会烦是不是啊??我说对你没信心,你有给过我信心咩??你有问过我关于我的东西吗??我发信息给你问你什么你就只会答..我问的东西你有关心过我吗??你只会关心你的msn,frenster..我讲我配不起你,你就讲没介意这些..你不介意你爸妈会介意的啊..你真的以为你可以跟你爸妈作对咩..连讲电话都酱怕的..你酱介意我讲那句没信心,你记得酱清楚你记不记得你跟我讲过什么..你以为我不辛苦吗??你以为我很喜欢跟你吵架的啊..我只是想你关心下我啊,我也有想过要分手的啊..酱难得才可以在一起,因为那些东西分手值得吗??什么没感觉,如果你真的爱我,你会想办法挽救啊..什么也不想就说分手,是最好办法??你根本都没想过要怎样去挽救..对不起,讲了气你的话.. "]]


i din replied tis msg.. i jz wanted to said,if u were oso so suffer,izit better 4 us to hav our own way.. mayb i was not ur cup of tea,n tat's y we kept on arguing.. i always on9(msn n frenster) coz u always slept early n nobody accompanied me.. i didnt noe wat kind of bf is tis.. i admitted tat u treated me nice b4.. n 4 d 2nd last line,i rili did loved u b4.. but i wanna broke up coz u made my feeling towards u getting less n less,faded.. during d time i said wanna broke up,i ady didnt love u tat much coz i was rili disappointed wit u,damn frust.. tat's y i dun think tat i need to find away to make our relationship ok--i mean to maintain our relationship as a couple.. i didnt wan to force myself to love some1 tat i dun love..
hope u will understand..

*DUN NOE HOW TO SAY TAT FEELING*

tis morning at skul i was quite ok.. but later b4 recess time my mood suddenly gone bad..
haix..
dun noe y..
it seemed lik got a lot of things in my mind n they kept on rotating... seemed lik so many things to care about..
but in fact,i dun hav much things to care..
my mind was so stuffy,d mood changed drastically..
sometimes was moody,but sometimes was so excited..
mayb it was bcoz of d problems tat i faced these few days...
n i was worried bout my exam,august test,trial exam n finally d spm..
but i was worried bout my frenship,my studies n all sort of things..
every1 is competing 4 every single thing,too realistic a life was..
damn depressed..
i dun rili like it.. all sort of feelings mixed up in my heart..
suffering..
i dun noe how to express my feeling at d moment,but there were a lot of things in my heart..
all kind of probs.. feeling lonely,but i noe a lot r caring towards me..
thanx u all..
i will try to make myself happier,4get all d problems..
i will try ..

*LOVE [SPECIAL FOR CMK N MPY]*

Love is a very strange thing that we have.

love make u happy

love make u strong

love make u believe everything

love make u tender

love make u patient

love make u delighted

love make u smile everyday

love make u remember every moment

love make u care

love make u encouraged

love make u motivated

love make u fearless

love make u feels like a princess or prince

love make u fly

love make u looks better

love make u wise

love make u understanding

love make u full of forgiveness


love make u have good dream

yet....also.....

love can make u sad

love can make u weak

love can make u full of doubt

love can make u rough and harsh

love can make u rush and pushy

love can make u gloomy

love can make u had sorrow face

love can make u dont want to remember anything

love can make u become ignorance

love can make u discouraged

love can make u down

love can make u acoward

love can make u like an idiot

love can make u fall

love can make u looks like wanna die or dead oledi

love can make u immature

love can make u arrogant

love can make u cannot forgive

love can make u to have nightmare....

sooo...
we can see 2 sides of a thing called love?
the first is if u in love with somebody then that somebody also love u...
that is what u get from love...
that is what love puts in your heart!


The second is if u love someone but that someone not love u or betray u...
that is also what u get from love...
that is also what love puts in your heart!

BUT!
that is not whats love is all about...


Love is about

Forgiveness
Care
Patient
Not selfish
Acceptance
Believe
Trust
and also....
a 2nd chanCe
for a chanGe

LOVE the one you LOVE with every LOVE u have as if tommorow you will never be able to LOVE again....
try to forgive....
try to understand...
If you LOVE them....

LOVE YOU ALL.......