*I M USELESS*

i wonder y other ppl can succeed but yet not me..
i m so useless..
i have nth good in watever aspect..
i hate myself..
i m so moody,so down..
nth i want to say here..
when i m moody,i usually keep my mouth shut..
n ppl will tell me tat,"y u so quiet,u look scary lar..talk wit me lar.."
hahax.. funny phrase,moody where got mood to chat lar..
i feel lik want to cry,but tears didnt roll down..
i suppose after i cry,i will feel better..
i m so frust with myself..
i m getting worst..
can some1 help me so tat i back again lik my life last year,being a psycho will b better tough..
i hate myself..
i m disappointed wit my everything..
i wan to b lik others,succeed,happy.. but i think i wont have it..
eventhou i will easily back to a good mood again,but i m easily become moody too..
i hate myself,i m useless..
tat's wat i can describe bout myself..
jz a moment ago,ppl gek chan me..
thanx her,my tears finally roll down..
now,feel better..
haha..
but i still hate myself..
i m useless..
today i got a few exam papers jor..
wah,beautiful marks..
highest 4 bm,83.. highest 4 est essay..
wat 4 highest?? but today 2A gone,add maths n bio i couldnt get A..
dun noe d marks yet,but i m sure no A 4 these 2 subjects..
so frust..
i hate myself..
i m getting worst..
when will i change..
i rili need someone's help..
i rather live a bad life lik last year..
rili,i opted to live tat kind of life than to live d present life..
sob sob..

*FINALLY TRIAL EXAM ENDED*

nah,let me tell d process roughly from d very 1st day..
1st day,as usual starting wit d bm paper 1 followed by paper 2..
erm,basically,i dun rili scare of bm papers.. nth much to read oso..
but,dun noe y i felt a bit nervous,phobia of entering d hall.. mayb it was d 1st day bah..
after i sat 4 d exam,i felt much mor relaxed n comfortable..
both d papers were not rili tough..
still ok bah i bet..
d 2nd day were bi papers.. n history paper 1..
i noe i m going to hentam watever answer 4 history coz i m rili freaking hate tat paper..
bi oso got nth much to study,so,i jz read through d novel n d literature component..
i didnt read much 4 history,even i noe i m weak in tis subject..but watever lar,not interested in it..
haha...bi not rili tough,but history i ended up dun noe how to do.. shyt lor..
ok,now 3rd day.. history paper 2 n moral education..
wat do u think i will score..
no prob in moral but history paper 2 ar,"easy" 4 me lar..
sap sap sui..
i got some tips from m fren,but not all r correct..
part of it got come out in exam,but i didnt read much,day time after skul i went to ipoh to get my new myvi.. bout half a day i spent there wit my daddy mummy,reached home bout 7pm after fetching my bro..at nite read 2 chapters outta 20 chapters,den fall aslept jor..
so,i m sure u can guess wat i got 4 it.. hahaxx...
4th day,maths 2 oni.. not so scary.. finally can hav some rest.. hahax..
5th day oso maths,paper 1.. oso not scary.. take it easy..
keke..
gonna die 4 d following weeks..
now is d 2nd week stories.. huhu..
monday,physics paper 3.. it came out exactly d tips we got.. hahax.. quite easy i think..
tuesday,est 1,est 2 n account paper 1..
est nth much to read,roughly d same as bi paper,but mor on kbkk..
account paper sucks.. haix... same thing again,fall aslept again,n study a bit oni..
watever..
wednesday,wat a nice day.. no exam.. hooray.. time 4 me to prepare 4 account paper 3 on d following day..
i didnt study account in skul coz i m from science stream.. so,i dun rili pro in account..
quite blurred..so,jz try my best of luck..
hahax.. as wat i said,wan to study,enede up study nth..
everytime exams oso lik tat de,last minute study..
but tis time easily fall asleep,so,gonna die oso lar..
on thursday,i rili study very little 4 my account,n tis was d 1st time i knew how d account paper looks lik.. i spent bout 1 n a half hour on d 1st question.. at last,didnt finish.. haix..
left a lot.. n those i did,d account didnt balance oso.. haix.. frust wit it..
crap,friday biology.. d subject i love d most.. i put a high target on it..
in d noon time i didnt read coz too tired..
so,i plan to read it at nite coz tuition starts from 4pm till 9.30pm..
once i reached home,i studied but jz a few moments later,i fall aslept..
haix..
my mum woke me up at around 2.30am but i didnt realise tat..
as usual,at 6am,my mum woke me up n she told me it's ady 6.00am..
oh my god,i didnt even read a single page..
i was rili in hot soup.. rili felt lik wanna cry..
it was too late..
i sat 4 both d bio papers n i wrote a lot,perhaps all were rubbish..
haixxxxxxxxxxxxxx.. my target gone..
end 4 d 2nd week..
it continued wit d 3rd week..
monday is d physics paper 1 n 2,not very tough.. it came out a lot from d tips we got..
d next day were chemistry papers..
paper 1 n 2 oso,a bit confusing.but nth much to comment,jz try my best to answer..
wednesday,add maths paper 1,bio paper 3 n chemistry paper 3..
three papers r not very tough.. quite ok..
hooray,finally d last day..
add maths paper 2.. on wednesday i went to play badminton wit my bro,n nite went to tesco.. hahax.. at last came back didnt study oso n study during morning time..
ended up,a lot blank spaces in d paper.. haix.. no time to finish n some even dun noe how to answer..
haix..


today after my add maths paper ended at 10.15am,we stayed at skul coz not allowed to go home..
bm teacher,uncle lee told me tat he is a bit disappointed wit me..
i ask him why,he told me i did not a s good as last time.. haix..
but luckily i still got A it..
next,moral lesson,our moral teacher,pn cecilia told me sth bout my exam paper..
i asked,"teacher,how was my paper??"
she said,"i m disappointed wit u.."
i was suprised n said,"harrrr.... why.. got A a nt.."
teacher said i did it correctly but bcoz of i wrote in d definition,marks were deducted..
haixxx.... too diligent wrote too much..
luckily still got A..
my target for 100% in maths gone,i got 1 question wrong in paper 1.. haix..
one subject i regreted in d mean time,i got C for my account.. sob sob.. no mood jor..
but,i felt grateful coz i passed d paper.. i rili didnt well 4 it..
at nite time i went tuition,i was moody n quiet tat nite..
my fren from yuk kwan said,"lby,cheer up.. dun lik tat lar,i m afraid of u lar.. u did it good jor lor.."
later i was ok..
reached home,i on9 n sth rili irritated me..
my mood back to moody again.. haix..
i jz feel lik wanna talk to someone,i wanna express out my feeling.. feel lik wanted to cry till no more tears..
sob sob sob...
but i hope everything will b ok..
i hope someone will appear to persuade me when i am at d most down condition..
thanx4 those who persuaded me..
life is empty n meaningless witout frens..
frens r lik d colours tat fill up our life,no frens means d life will b dull..
thanx to all my frens,love u guys so much..
frenship 4 ever..

*SOUR HEART*

dear,sorie ar..
i made tis decision not to hurt u.. not to make u unhappy..
i jz dun wan to let u love me mor,n at last u will hurt mor..
as time grows,u will love me mor n mor,n if i break wit u tat time,surely i will hurt u much mor greater..
actually i didnt expect u to 4giv me.. but i noe u wont angry wit me,n u always say.."mayb i m not good enough"
seriously,u r good.. a good bf too..
but it's jz tat,tat kind of feeling doesnt exist..
if we still carry on,i'm sure i will find a lot of rubbish reasons to avoid u..
i feel guilty larrrrr.......
i even cried in skul.. hahax.. *ashamed*
i did my revision in skul,but at last still on d same page when skul ended..
hahaxx... noe y?? i looked at d book,stared hard on it,but it was lik transparent.. i couldnt concentrate at all... dun noe wat d hell i read..
a lot of things rushing through my mind.. get me distracted..
my malay frens even asked me wat happen,they said i looked sth wrong oni..
my assistant asked me too,haixxx... nth larr...
i sot jor jek.. later ok d lor...

today d whole day i didnt eat.. no mood lerrr...
but i dun noe y.. i shouldnt feel sad wat,i "fei" ppl,still wan to sad..
i rili dun wan to cheat u n myself.. loving wit an insincere heart,same as cheating jek.. not much difference i suppose..
i didnt hav tis kind of feeling b4,when we chatted in msn today.. i felt a kind of feeling,undescribeable..
he gav me a kind of feeling,totally different from usual.. i can feel d sadness in him..
in fact,he was a cheerful,happy go lucky person.. everytime i chat wit him,sure i can feel his happy tone.. but today totally no,i cant feel any happy tone nor cheerful spirit..
i felt very guilty,mayb i made a wrong decision..
i should take him as my best friend at 1st,he can rili cheer me up..
after i accepted him oni i realized.. too late.. so,i decided tis so tat i wont hurt him even deeper in future time..
tat's d point i broke up wit him or else i m jz cheating him n myself as well..
i m sure he can find a better 1,much mor better than me..
cheer up every1..
i can fulfil ur request,we r still d best pair of "darling-honey"..
thanx 4 wat u did 4 me all these while..
thanx.. n sorie 4 wat i did..