*IM SAD*

i still remember on last sunday,when i called back,my lil' bro answered d call saying that my mum didnt bring her hp out,was charging..
he asked me to call my elder bro,my elder bro was wit my mother-as what my lil' bro said..
so,i rang my elder bro,he told that he wasnt wit my mum..
i was like,OKIEEE...
called my mum after sometime,tis time,my dad answered d call..
i was told that my mum was at my uncle's shop,dealing wit some religious thingy..
so,later at nite about 9.30pm if not mistaken,my mum called me back..
chatted wit her,asked her why she was at my unlce's place earlier..
she told me that she needa handle those thing regarding religious but i still feel very weird.. what's d purpose of doing so.. she didnt make a clear statement there..
anyway,i didnt ask any longer..
later,chatted wit JW and i told him that i suspected that my family was hiding something from me..
they sounded kinda weird..
anyway,i didnt rili think deeper bout tat..
on wednesday night,i was sad but i told myself not to call back..
i want to be independent,i cannot rely on my mum too much.. so,i didnt want to call back and i try to endure my tears during d CG (christian gathering) held in my skul..
at last,after had dinner at TBR,walked back wit andrea and at last i expressed out my feeling coz she is d one who understands me well..
thanx andrea..
i admit that i cried,but oni for a while when i was wit her..
back to my room,and tears flooded in my eyes.. cried a lot a lot but i cheered myself..
"LBY u can,u can do it.. cheer up.. look to the brighter side.."
im happy after tat,even i cried but i still feel happy.. coz i feel that im changing,not much,but bit by bit.. still will make a difference,ryte?
i will try to be a positive thinker,try to think to the brighter side everytime i sad...
i do all these because of my mum,she told me to think positively,she encouraged me to join CG and asked me to cheer up,to live life happily..
i listened to her and im trying to change myself into a better one,just because i love her..
today im back to hometown..
just a couple hours ago,came down from d train..
my dad and my elder bro fetched me,i asked where is mum and lil' bro..
they said my lil' bro wanted to play comp game and my mum stayed at home to acc him..
so,i didnt ask any longer.. den i told JW,"hey,my dad is weird today.. i wonder why is he wearing spec.."
actually i did ask my elder bro,but he didnt listen and so,i just ignored that question..
after tat we had dinner,my dad said he bought a new van.. i asked why,he said coz d old van is old,it's time to change a new one..
i felt weird,again.. but didnt ask further..
den we were back to home..
d second i entered my house,my mum said,"hi.."
i was shocked and i replied happily,"hi.."
den i realised there was something odd-looking,i saw a wheelchair at my home..
and den i looked at my mum and asked what happen..
at tat moment,my attention was being focused on my mum's leg..
it was bandaged.. at tat point,my feeling was rather weird,i didnt noe how to explain tat kind of feeling..
i felt very sad,my heart ached.. a lot of question marks in my head,i asked her why?
she told me what happened,i got a lot more questions to ask but i cant carry on..
i just gave her a forced smile and i went in to my room,my tears rolled down..
i just didnt noe why all these happened to her,why didnt it happen to me?
i always willing to suffer all these as long as they did not happen on my family members..
after tat i went out again and continued to chat wit her and not longer than 2 minutes,i left d conversation again and i cried even worse.. my elder bro noticed and he told my lil' bro tat they won coz they bet tat i will sure cry when i back..
i cried non-stop,during bathing,after bathing,when combing hair,when i unpacked my things,when i wrote tis blog..
my family members and JW cheered me up..
JW even acc me till now,1am..
thanx to them..
d accident happened on sunday and tat was d day i felt something very weird wit my family members..
at the place where d accident happened and at tat particular moment when my mum's leg was free from being sandwiched by the car,she told my elder brother not to let me noe bout tis..
she didnt want me to noe coz she noes tat i will sure cry and will worry a lot..
she doesnt want me to feel upset and that was the reason i didnt noe tis accident until i back to my home..
i rili couldnt take all these,why did it happen to my mum?
i dont want it to be so,i want it to happen on any other people or even on me,not my family members..
im willing to take all these as long as my family members are happy and safe..
i just like d feeling now,i feel so bad..
my mum has to rest a month at home and so my dad coz they are working together..
my dad suffered from minor injuries,and tis is d reason he was wearing a spec when he fetched me coz one of his eyes was swollen and i didnt notice tat ! URGHH !! how silly i am !
i feel sorie to them,i just dun noe why i feel like tat..
i rili cant take tat,i feel very bad..
tis is d saddest time among all the times i back to hometown..
=(
:'(
i hope my mum will recover soon,i rili hope so..
no matter how bad God wants to treat me,i dont mind as long as my mum is safe and always healthy and happy..
same to my other family members including my grandfather and my uncles..
i rili pray hard so tat my mum will recover soon,im sad to see her in such a condition..
everytime i look at her,or even i think of her,my eyes will be filled wit tears..
i just dun noe how to make myself tougher..
but i will try to be strong..
i will,as what my mum told me earlier..
i will try to change myself,I WILL TRY..

I LOVE YOU,MUMMY !