*EMOLICIOUS*

the feeling of emo is just too unbearable..
EXAM is just around the corner,counting down.. :(:(
two more weeks to go,and then it will be the starting of nightmare..
during the last exam which was just a month ago,i nearly gave up my life..
the stress was too intense that i really couldnt take it anymore..
if my room were to be higher,i guess i'll not be here to write my blog anymore..
i couldnt concentrate on my studies,especially when the exam is still far away,mayb the force to push me working hard is not there..
when the exam is coming soon,the stress comes along !! EMO will always be with me as well.. =(
really cant figure out what's gonna happen tis time..
PERHAPS i might not be here anymore to write my blog to tell what happened in the future time..

yeah,i always noe that life is beautiful,life is not just sadness,there are many more joys and things to be discovered in the world..
a lot of joyous,meaningful,significant and watsoever things can be discovered and why dont i try them out? why do i need to give up my life?
it's just a test,and it's just a challenge from God to strengthen me..
i noe all these very well.. SO WAT?
to say all these is definitely easy,but to get them done,what do u think?
im sure u'll already have an answer in mind..
im a pessimist,i noe myself well,i always think of dying..
and if i have a life of 30 years,im already satisfied and willing to leave anytime..
im willing to replace the others' life with my own life.. the "others" i mean were my family members,my friends and my beloved one..
i mean it,i rather my life be taken away than to feel sad for the loss of someone i love..
whenever an exam is around the corner,the stress comes like rain pouring down..
it reminds me of my family and the homesickness will be there again..
it's pretty true,whenever an individual feels sad or down,the one main thing that he/she will think of is the warm and support given by family..
cant do anything,i just can pray hard for the coming test (MID-COURSE TEST=TRIAL) as well as the real AS test in May..
God bless !

another sad case is a separation..
i just dont understand why must there always be a separation after a meeting..
why couldnt a meeting always be a meeting,and no separation after all..
things are always made to be like that,nobody can explain that,u will not be able to find a single word explaining bout tis in the dictionary,in Google search,wikipedia etc..
that is why there are the existance of sadness and happiness..
reason is simple : when there is no sadness,how can u feel the happiness?
when there is no parting,how will u cherish that person? ryte?
but the time will be the limiting factor,when the time comes by,by any means,we will still have to part..
the feeling will be extremely hard to bear,but wat to do? NO CHOICE..
just cry out my heart,shout out loud,emo till time heals the wound..

my dear,i noe u will be reading tis,im just expressing my feeling..
after i broken up wit my last bf during the year 2008,i didnt get into a relationship anymore till after around 1.5 years later..
i just do not want to hurt one more people who loves me..
but i try to accept u since im afraid that i will regret if i give up a guy who can really understand me,tolerate wit my BAD characteristics and suits me so well that it almost will be neutral if we are blended together..
at the starting of our relationship,it was bit unstable and i really thought of giving up u..
but thank God i did not,instead i tried to pull our relationship closer,and yeah,we DID it..
i somehow can feel that tis relationship will last for sometime,perhaps mayb a long time..
sadly,the norm of life is always so,when things get better,somehow something will happen to make it worst..
lots of things happen in such a short period of time..
i noe u can feel what is in my head for these few days when i get to know the separation is coming by..
u will always noe what i was thinking all these while,that's one of the reasons why i love u so much.. u dont understand me totally,but u understand me well.. that's good enough..
u will be staying here to study,while i will be leaving here and go back to my hometown to further my studies in the coming year..
when u decided tis and i got to know it,my heart was sinking..
mood changed,heart sank,tears filled up my eyes,heart was crying..
wanted to cry out loud,but i didnt,i endured till i came back to my own room..
i emo the whole nite and i did express it out in a piece of paper..
all these while,i was looking forward to next year since a few of us will get to stay and study together,isnt that a happy news?
yeah,DEFINITELY..
however,things still tend to change before they take place,decision still tends to change before it is decided..
it's good for u to stay here and study here,i support and respect ur decision.. i mean it..
at least u considered every single aspect before u made tis decision,i love the way u deal with things..
i noe u were facing even a much more harder situation than me when making tis decision,ur heart hurts even much more than mine..
but just cheer up,i noe u can..
im always failing in cheering myself up,but i noe u can make it,cheer up ! :)
i will missing u very very much by that time..
we might get to see each other mayb oni two or three times a year..
by the time we meet back,im afraid that the situation will be awkward and we will not be as close as last time anymore..
but i hope to retain everything,and i will try to retain everything..
missing somebody is the most painful feeling that a person will ever have..
well,mayb i should TRY to analyse it from another point of view..
mayb that will be the time i learn to be independent,not to be so dependent on u anymore like the present time..
whenever i emo,u can see that since i dont talk much..
keep oneself quiet sometimes is the best communication ever,silence brings peace in mind..
crying sometimes is also the best way to voice out what's in ur mind..

when u r reading tis,i hope u understand how i feel and dont feel sad over what i wrote..
i was just trying to tell u that i will be missing u very much and i respect ur decision of staying at here..
as i always tell u,nobody noes what's gonna happen tomoro..
IF one day i die without the chance to say "goodbye,i love u" to u,i hope u will noe that tis is the thing i want to tell u..
just read back tis blog and u will feel as if im standing in front of u telling u tis..
IF i really leave earlier than u,i hope u will remember me forever but do not keep the heart u taken from me,instead,u should find another heart that suits u more..
i wish u good luck for ur future studies at here and all the best for the rest of ur life..
will love u always..
MUACKS !
=)